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By Cheryl Flowers

I have dealing with a mental illness all my life, but became aware of it since the early 90's. At that time I thought my life was over and I was going to be different than everyone else. I went through the periods of various psychiatrist as well as new medications, old medications, withdrawals from medications, fear of life, fear of not having a life and most of all a hopelessness that my life was over. I attempted to get my life back at the beginning of 2000. I went through Michigan Works and got help with beginning the work hunt, but every time I started something new my fear would over whelm me and I would have panic attacks. Then one day I heard the word Recovery and I decided to check it out and see if there was anything that would fit me. Oh what a fit I found. I found there were lots of folks just like me who lost there lives through mental illness. I found out that I could do whatever I wanted to do with  some work and an honest look at me. That was the first time I actually felt empowered and  had hope that I could have a better future. I felt that maybe there was a light at the end of the tunnel and I could get my life back. I started hearing about programs, around 2005. The first thing I heard about was the Peer Support Movement and I decided to get trained in a training the state was offering in Peer Support. Kudos' to Pam Werner and MaryBeth Evans who ran the program, for giving me my life back. I found the program "fit" me like a glove. I learned a "pay it forward" kind of relationship with my "peers" that when we share and when we talk we heal ourselves. It the most powerful feeling I have ever had in my life. My life goes on. I found out that I (little old me) could help folks just like myself by following the principle of the 5 Recovery Stages that would allow me to continue to grow as well as the folks I will work with. I also have gotten involved in the Mary Ellen Copeland Centers WRAP program where I  have learned tools to keep myself well as well as teach others how to use these tools to keep them selves well. I am now at a state that I love to continue to learn new tools for my own wellness and the wellness of others. Its the best high I have ever been on in my life. I still have difficult times, stressors that at one time would have put me in the hospital or wanted to just give up....I can now deal with because I have programs that I can use everyday to help keep myself well. The most important thing I have is that I am no longer alone and I have Peers just like me that I can talk and share with who give me support and a reason to keep on trying. How many friends I have at my funeral will say how good my life has been, because I am no longer alone. I now know you cannot travel this world of life by yourself and I am no longer; "My name is Bipolar nice to meet you", but rather my name is Cheryl nice to meet you. My illness no longer consumes me but is a part a me along with all the rest of the things that make me who I am. I know I still may have difficult times, but I now have tools   and friends to help me get through life's challenges. I couldn't ask for anything better. These programs are all over the state now and any mental health agency should be able to tell you how to find these programs. My wish for anyone that reads this is that you find peace, hope and empowerment and go for those hopes and dreams. Thank you for allowing me to share a piece of my story with you.

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